THIS JELLY’S TOO SALTY FOR ME

These days, women’s empowerment is all the rage. But where does empowerment or really disempowerment truly begin? At what age does a woman start to lose her power?

I’m Savannah Alalia and welcome to the latest episode of High Functioning Human podcast where you connect to yourself as a high functioning human. 

In today’s episode we are exploring the concept of The Invisible Daughter, the subtle ways in which society teaches young girls to diminish themselves. Where does the line between empathy and invisibility start and what are the long term consequences? 

I saw an experiment the other day where a bunch of children around 5 years old were given some eye-wateringly salty jelly and asked what they thought. It was framed as an analysis of the early development of empathy between boys and girls. The girls smiled and gave positive feedback to the jelly maker. “Oh yum. It’s a bit salty, but I like salt. Thank you so much.” Whereas the boys immediately expressed their true feelings. “Bleh. This is absolutely terrible!” The next part was even more interesting to me. 

The people running the experiment used these reactions as a reflection on the female caring, nature comparison, compassion, an evolved emotional understanding, etc. But for me it was highlighting something else entirely. Even young girls are praised for their ability to hide their inner truth, to protect the feelings or ego of others, even when it means that their reality becomes uncomfortable when they’re literally eating salt. 

In this example, think about the implications of the salty jelly scenario. Yes, the girls avoid hurting somebody else’s feelings, but imagine what happens next time this person makes them jelly. “Oh yeah, she said she loves salt!” would be going through their brain. And now the lovely empathic girl is maybe stuck eating salt her whole life. 

What if this were you or your daughter? If your daughter or your inner child prioritises other people’s feelings over her own, this creates an environment where her needs disappear and she becomes invisible. 

One of the earliest poems I remember was from Henry Wandsworth Longfellow and it goes like “There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, and when she was bad, she was horrid.” As a curly haired child with a reputation for being somewhat of a strong personality, I resonated with this little girl. But now as a grown girl, I wonder why are girls only valued when they’re being good or accommodating? Why is assertive or expressive behaviour displeasing or labelled as horrid? 

Beyond the why, you also have to wonder what kind of limiting and restrictive views might be being created of how a girl should behave from an early age. What does this do for girls as they become women, mothers or caregivers? And how does that cycle then repeat itself? A child who is told she can only ever be good may grow into an adult who turns any criticism into victimhood. A caregiver who finds it almost impossible to apologise. A mother who projects her own fears and insecurities onto her children, inadvertently creating daughters who strive to take up as little space as possible. 

This invisibility or discomfort in a body can have lasting impact. When girls feel unable to take up space or be their authentic, sometimes messy selves, they can begin to shrink in themselves or twist their bodies to take up what they have learned is the right amount of space.

So how do you begin to change this self silencing narrative? For me, a big part of stepping into my power came with an increased connection to my body. This is why I feel so strongly about fascia release and the benefits it can have in your life. One of my close friends is a quite tall woman who is now, as an adult, dealing with some serious twists in her body and fascia that actually stem back to being “smaller” as a teenager to try and stand as short as possible to fit in with the rest of the girls. Through work on her fascia, like the practices in Your Face Symmetry, she has been straightening and releasing tensions and pains that have lasted for years. It really can be that powerful. 

I invite you to truly reflect on your body. Do you stand in your power or are there parts of yourself that you hide for other people’s benefit? Whether you’re a parent, mentor or working on your inner child, you can promote honest communication by validating feelings rather than dismissing them. Teaching yourself that it’s okay to say “This jelly is too salty for me,” that is honesty and valuable feedback.

So here’s to taking your fabulous horrid little girls, the ones with the curls and the strong wills, and giving them space to breathe and exist fully. 

Remember, trust your instincts, follow your intuition because the world needs your voice and the magic it brings to us all. 

Jump on my mailing list to stay reminded and connected with your intuition, plus some special things that I really will only share in email. 

I look forward to chatting with you next time on the High Functioning Human Podcast. Take care and talk soon.

As always, I remain a cheerleader for your inner self-worth,