Today’s blog guides you through transforming ‘Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda’ regrets into resilience. Delve into life’s rich tapestry of experiences and discover how to honour your unique journey. It’s about turning unexpected curves into valuable wisdom while celebrating the ever-evolving narrative of your life.
Unsure if you have a guru inside you? Trust me, you do, we all do, and when you learn to listen, that’s when the magic happens.
In my recent blog, ‘Be Prepared’, I discussed the idea that ‘anything can happen at any time’ and how being mentally prepared allows you to handle all the chaos that life can throw at you.
Let’s dive deeper into this whole “emotional preparedness” idea and learn to find your zen amidst the wild unknowns of life.
“Anything can happen” really means that lots of stuff is out of your hands.
As I said in ‘Be Prepared’, instead of the idea that doom and gloom are always lurking around the corner, you are finding a way to reconcile with the uncontrollable bits in life.
Picture this: you’re trying to choose between two routes, and you end up on the traffic-jammed one. Cue the “If only I’d taken the other road” monologue!
We’ve all been there, whether it’s about traffic or more serious life situations where you look back at XYZ situation and go, ‘If only I’d made a different choice then I’d have avoided this terrible outcome’.
This crystal-ball clarity we dub ‘hindsight’ can be a tricky beast. It lures you into the “Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda” quagmire, brewing a cocktail of frustration, regret, and even guilt over that detour you took.
But here’s the scoop: when you play this game, you’re unfairly expecting yourself to moonlight as a fortune teller. As the wise Maya Angelou said, “Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”
When you acknowledge that the future is unknown and that, in the moment, you are making the best choice you can, using all the information you have at the time, it allows you to step out of blame. Remember, there’s no scoreboard in this game of life. As Eva Rawposa says, ‘Your path and your choices can never be “WRONG” when they FEEL “RIGHT” in your heart!’
For high achievers and go-getters, letting go of control can be tough, especially if it’s deeply rooted in your identity. It’ll take some effort to spot those unkind thoughts and reframe them. Try asking, “What would I say to a friend who’s being too hard on themselves?” You often find it much easier to access compassion for those you love than for yourself. This is something that you can actively work on; the ‘Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda’ mindset is a habit, and like all habits, it can be retrained.
Sure, life can occasionally throw pies in our faces. It’s an undeniable part of this wild ride we’re on. Often, the messy outcomes result from unexpected plot twists or someone else’s impromptu pie-throwing, all beyond your control.
When you remind yourself of this, you unburden the invisible backpack that comes with feeling responsible for everything in the universe. By showing yourself this kindness, you also pass yourself the resilience baton, equipping you to navigate any storm – or pie – that life tosses your way.
It’s easy to sit in the aftermath of a messy pie fight and wish for a pie-free alternative reality. We can all get caught up in the allure of an enchanting IfOnlyLand. But here’s where the true magic lies: every future leap, every hallelujah moment is built on the foundation of today’s pie-covered reality.
When you’re trapped in the maze of IfOnlyLand, and it feels like all is lost, Thomas Fuller says it best, “It’s always darkest before the dawn”. If you’re a Lord of the Rings fan, it may bring to mind the cinematic image of Gandalf charging down the hill at Helm’s Deep with the Riders of Rohan.
It might be twilight now, but your sunrise could be just over the horizon. Trust me, the universe is always secretly rooting for you.
The truth is, the only moment you’re truly living in is now – this beautiful, chaotic, perfectly imperfect moment. Your unique journey, this tailor-made adventure, is the opening act for a lifetime of remarkable sequels. It’s pretty thrilling, right?
You often hear the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, but let’s be real – sometimes ‘what doesn’t kill you’ hurts a hell of a lot. In fact, the mental pain that goes along with the ‘Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda’ mindset can even impact your physical health – regret sticking in the fascia in your body and coming out in painful kinks until the habit is addressed.
What if you took a stand and declared, “I am the sum of all my past pie fights, and I’m one heck of a badass pie warrior”? By honouring your journey and the person it’s sculpted you into, you’ll see that there are always unexpected gems hidden in the mess of life. Sometimes, it just takes a while to find them.
Give yourself and your journey the time you both richly deserve.
As always, I remain a cheerleader for your inner self-worth,
