Do you offer kindness and support to others, but find that the voice that you use towards yourself is critical and harsh? Have you unconsciously mastered the art of being your own worst critic?
I’m Savannah Alalia and welcome to the latest episode of High Functioning Human Podcast where you connect to yourself as a high-functioning human.
In our last episode we explored how Worry and negative thoughts can become embedded in your body’s system, even on a chemical level. This can hinder transformation and reinforce the cycle of negativity. We’ve also spoken a bit about how over focus on balance can lead to distorted focus on the positive.
Today we’re going to spend some time with that internal dialogue, the voice inside your head that can either lift you up or tear you down. Often a negative tone in that voice can develop at a young age. Repeated patterns and beliefs will become stuck in your body in what I call a Thought Knot.
And this can happen quite quickly. But sometimes it takes until much later to understand and acquire the tools and strengths to examine how you can speak to yourself. When you start to reflect on how to be kinder to yourself and what’s keeping you locked in your negative thought patterns, you might realise that you are both a prisoner and the jailer of your own mind. And while that might sound a little bit full on, it essentially means that you hold the key to your freedom.
Hearing or recognising this can bring about feelings of anxiety and pressure. Obviously it’s a lot to take responsibility for, but it can also empower you to make transformative changes. You have to remember that your brain is incredibly skilled at telling you lies. Usually this is initially to protect you, but over time it can become a burden.
This skilled lie-telling is known as cognitive distortion. And depending on how much anxiety you hold onto, these distortions can manifest in several different ways.
Catastrophising. This is where you expect the worst possible outcome in every situation.
All or Nothing thinking is where things exist in either black or white or if something is less than perfect, etc, total failure.
Mental Filtering this one can be tricky where you focus on solely the negative aspects and ignoring all the positives.
Personalisation which leads you to blame yourself without any logical reason.
Control Fallacies make you believe you have no control or absolute control over all situations, both of which can be harmful illusions.
Yes, we’re talking about your brain lying to you, but these patterns, these stresses will also show up in your body. Think of anxiety symptoms including racing heart tension or restlessness, getting exhausted easily. All of these are physical symptoms, also your body will reinforce your brain and vice versa. All too often people spend significant amounts of time and effort addressing the mind piece whilst ignoring their bodies. It’s important to consider that you need to be working on both alongside each other.
For your mind, starting a journal can be a great way to take a look at the tone of your internal voice and when you see the words outside of yourself on the page, you get to be honest with yourself. And once you get to be honest, you can then consciously explore ways to be more kind and forgiving towards yourself. If you notice negativity in your written words, you can ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or if they’re actually distortions. Would you say these things to a dear friend if they found themselves in the same situation that you’re in? This can be a great way to start this conversation and to dig into the things that are coming up.
It may also be powerful if you’d like to go deeper into this to talk to someone. Various therapeutic models like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Compassion Based therapies can support you to address how your thoughts reinforce beliefs and behaviors in a cyclical pattern. They all emphasise the importance of identifying the initial trigger and addressing the truth behind them. Then the work is to support your body to copy you in undoing that strain or stress in your system.
I’ve spoken before about Intention and your fascia, the connective tissue that permeates your entire body. Helping your fascia to open and release those thought knots is a huge step in transforming that voice that keeps you stuck when you feel safe. When your body senses that you can accept and nurture yourself, it begins to relax and release the pent up emotions or trauma it’s been holding onto. This release can lead to profound healing both physically and emotionally.
Loving and accepting yourself plays a huge role in getting your fascia moving freely. Both physical and mental work in addressing high levels of worry and negativity have one fundamental goal, Self-Acceptance.
Self acceptance is much more than a one time event. It is a continuous journey. Each day offers you a new opportunity to choose kindness over criticism, compassion over judgment. And as you do, you’re going to find that you go beyond improving your mental state, your physical well being is going to improve too.
And this is less about some distorted view of perfectionism or some idealised version of yourself, but more about aiming for a state of openness that allows you to accept and easily navigate whatever comes your way. In fact, some research suggests that accepting yourself as you are in all ways is actually more likely to motivate you to improve than esteeming yourself, which is focusing only on your positives.
People often talk about loving someone, warts and all, but true acceptance goes a step further. It’s about loving yourself because of your flaws rather than in spite of them. Your imperfections contribute to your uniqueness and your story. And whilst you can learn from your imperfections and evolve, your journey, however complicated, has brought you to this point in your life with me today, and it’s something to be grateful for. I know I am. As a tip, loving yourself because of your flaws is much easier when you surround yourself with people who do the same.
If you’re looking to take practical steps towards your transformation, I invite you to explore my Your Face Symmetry programs. These courses are designed to help you connect with your fascia, release tension and to connect and begin to unravel your thought knots as well as supporting you to develop a deeper sense of Self-Acceptance.
Remember, you have the power to change the narrative inside your head. By embracing yourself fully, including your flaws, you unlock the door to a more joyful, fulfilling life.
Trust your instincts, follow your intuition, because the world needs your voice and the magic that it brings to every single person out there.
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I look forward to chatting with you next time on the High Functioning Human Podcast. Take care and talk soon.
As always, I remain a cheerleader for your inner self-worth,
