Being present in your body can mean that you have the capacity to be incredibly empathetic, which is a good thing, right? But being an empathetic person can mean that you take on too much of other people’s emotions. So, how do you deal with that? I’m talking about the gift and the tool of being able to dip in and out of emotions consciously.
I’m Savannah Alalia and welcome to the latest episode of the High Functioning Human podcast, where you get to connect to yourself as a high-functioning human.
When you walk through life thinking of emotions as things that happen to you, it’s as if you’re a child, with someone else choosing which stories to read to you – choosing which reality you get to experience. Yes, sometimes it’s nice to be a passenger, but it can leave you a little directionless, which is less than ideal when it comes to your emotional wellbeing.
But what if you could reframe your perspective to see emotions as things that you can actively choose? This is a process that I’m calling Conscious Caring, and it’s a really important skill because strengthening your emotional capacity helps you to feel both your own and other people’s emotions within that capacity. I’ve spoken in the past about “Emotional Infiltration” and how, unless you’re careful, overexposure to other people’s emotions or negative news can affect your emotional state.
If you’re an empathetic person when it comes to people you love and care about, you can genuinely feel their pain as your own, which can get quite intense, let’s be honest.
So, what can you do to strengthen your emotional capacity?
Let’s carry on with the story idea, as it’s quite a nice one to visualise, and I think it might make it easier to explain this process. Imagine you’re in a space, such as a library, with the story in each book representing a story you’ve been told or that you tell yourself. Just like a library is broken up into sections. Depending on the reading level, emotional processing can sit at different levels, too.
So when you allow others to choose the stories or the emotions that you experience, you stay at an entry level where you’re looking at picture books and the ABCs. If you want to get beyond that to direct emotions that you experience, you have to learn how to read. And just like a child, learning to read to progress from that entry level takes time and effort.
In the beginning, even the idea of reading to yourself is a huge task. You’ll find it easier to go back to familiar books – familiar emotions – staying in stories that you recognise. But if you choose to build your emotional capacity further, you will eventually be comfortable enough to be able to select unfamiliar books and access unfamiliar emotions, and your whole inner library will be available to you.
“Okay,” I hear you say, “I’m an avid reader now, and I know all about emotions and feeling deeply, and I’m really good at it. Am I done?”
Well, actually, here’s where the Conscious Caring comes in. One of the things about really good readers is that they often have a ton of books on the go at once. When you’re really good at emotions, you can do the same thing: picking up other people’s emotional stories and adding them to your own pile. And by the time you start to deal with your life, you’re already weighed down with other people’s stuff, making it difficult to manage. This weight can impact you physically as well as emotionally.
When you’re holding on to too many emotions, your fascia can react by tightening or becoming stuck in response. Do you ever notice that when you’re emotionally stressed, your body feels physically heavier, less mobile? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. That heaviness is your fascia, asking you to put down those emotions. Conscious Caring is about being able to empathise in a way that supports your fascia, and it involves two stages.
First, you want to preempt yourself before you interact with someone you may have noticed affects your emotional state. Anticipate how you and they might feel in a different scenario. Preparing in advance can help reduce any shock of unexpected emotions.
And then, after dealing with others’ emotions, take time to reflect on how you feel, separating out what’s yours and what’s theirs. The idea is to access your empathy when the time is right and when you feel you want to have compassion for somebody else, and then to put down their story and return to your own. Reflect on how you feel in your body. Identify any changes that might indicate where your emotions are stuck, and take time to release the fascia in those places.
Remember, every interaction has the opportunity to be a gift when you know how to manage it properly. As with any step you take to improve your connection with your body and your emotional capacity, it’s about giving yourself the time and space you deserve, doing things great gradually and supportively rather than all at once and at the same time.
Additionally, if you’re already working to release your fascia, then Conscious Caring is a valuable skill to have because, as your fascia starts to open up, there will inevitably be emotions that arise along with this.
I go into the benefits of managing emotional processing along with fascia release in my Your Face Symmetry program 2, which is a progression from the first program. If you feel like you want to increase your ability to consciously care for yourself and others, then I highly encourage you to take a look at the program.
And, of course, feel free to reach out if you have any questions about Your Face Symmetry or any of what I’ve spoken about here today.
Remember, trust your instincts and follow your intuition because the world needs your voice and the magic it brings to us all. Jump on my mailing list to stay reminded and connected with your intuition, plus some special things I do only share in my emails.
I look forward to chatting with you next time on the High Functioning Human podcast. Take care and talk soon.
As always, I remain a cheerleader for your inner self-worth,
